My darling Katana,
I will not get to see or hold you for a few more years, but you’re already real to me. You’re as real to me right now as you will be when your mother puts my hand on her stomach to feel you kick for the first time. You’re as real to me right now, as you will be the first time I hear you cry. Or see you smile… Or punish you.
I haven’t told your mom why I’m calling you Katana yet. I probably won’t tell her until you’re almost here. But I have known for years that it would be your name, and I know why. As you grow, so will you.
I wonder what your personality will be like. I know you’re gonna be stubborn. Mischievous. Happy. Your mom and I both love reading, so of course you will too. But I also wonder if you’ll inherit some of my bad traits as well. I hope not. Either way, I’m going to love you unconditionally.
You are the fulfillment of the love your mother and I share, and yet you are our seed. Which means that like all seeds, you will have to die to grow.
And so you love God Katana. You have a burning passion for Him that inspires even me. And I hope that even when I’m gone, it never leaves you and you never leave Him.
Your life will be spent in service to others. That is why you were born, Katana. To serve.
Sometimes I worry. I worry about you making my mistakes. I worry about you feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied with life as I was at certain points. But I also know that you will have the best support system available. While I fully expect you to be closer to me, I want you to know you can talk to your mom if daddy won’t understand.
You’re going to have a baby sister Katana. I’m not gonna tell you her name just yet, and as I did with you, I probably won’t tell your mom why it’s her name until she’s close. But she’s going to be just as beautiful as you are. Just as intelligent. Just as good hearted. And for the sake of your mother’s blood pressure (and mine), hopefully, she will be a little less stubborn. She will look up to you, and I already know she couldn’t possibly have a better role model. You’ll protect her. You’ll teach her. You’ll love her. And in those moments where you’re both mad at mom, dad, and the world, you will have each other.
You’re going to watch my relationship with your mother and learn from it, the same way I learned from your grandparents’ relationship. But I didn’t realize that it wasn’t automatically like that for everyone until I was almost out of my teens. So I’m going to teach you about relationships early on, so that someday, when a man will make the best decision he could ever make and take you as his bride, I will be assured that you will complete him the way your mother did me, and you will make his home prosperous.
I was praying for you before you were born, and I’m not going to stop until I die.
I’ll see you soon, my darling.