A Few Thoughts, Vol. 2

* When I think about certain friends/friendships, I realize that they’re permanent, and no time nor space will ever make them cease. Doesn’t matter how long or how often we go we without speaking, we went through so much together, and nothing will ever change that. Whenever we do reconnect, it’s like nothing has changed. And I’m thankful for them.

* On the flip side, now and again I think about a few friendships that just inexplicably ended for no discernible reason. I want to say it’s because of how much and how earnestly I cried & begged God to remove unhealthy relationships from my life, but I don’t think they were all unhealthy, plus I’ve still formed (and still have) a bunch of other unhealthy relationships today. So I don’t know. It just puzzles me.

* There are certain situations you go through, and when you look back at them in hindsight, you realize how “un-ready” you were. Sometimes, how unready you still are. Like “I want A, but if I’m still responding to B in C manner, then it means I’m not ready for A, regardless of how much I want it.”

* Why is it oddly comforting when you’re going through something & you find out someone you respect & look up to went through (or is going through) a similar situation? Like what does that do for you and your own situation?

* Sometimes, it feels like I hit the self-destruct button on purpose just so I can hit rock bottom and be like “okay, so… what now?”, because in my twisted mind, then there would be nowhere else to go, but up. I know-I hope-it’s not true, but it feels that way sometimes.

* One of the left over side-effects from the years I struggled with depression is insomnia. On most nights, I’m lucky if I get two to three hours of sleep before I have to be up in the morning. Back then, I would lay awake all through the night, and when my Blackberry died, it would just be me and my thoughts (if you’ve ever been depressed, you know this is the worst possible part that leads to the lowest of lows). Even now, years later, I still have trouble sleeping… and I hate it. I’ve learned to function (more on that word in a later post), but I hate it. I hate not being able to fall asleep at night. And I hate that because history indicates I struggle with addiction, I can’t resort to sleeping pills out of fear of what’ll happen. Pride probably wouldn’t let me take sleeping meds anyway, but still. Some bible verses come to mind, especially “…for so he gives his beloved sleep” (Psa 127:2) & “…when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” (Prov. 2:4). I want that.

* If you know me, you probably know I’m big on music, and I probably have the largest iTunes library of everyone you know. So I figured I’d start doing a “Recommended Listen” at the end of every post from now on. For my first post, Housefires II by the band Housefires. The. Entire. Album. Just hit play & leave it alone. You’re welcome. 


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