Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. To my credit, I’ve almost almost stopped writing, but I can’t stop myself from thinking, especially around important dates. I thought back to “a year ago” on my birthday, on Thanksgiving, on Christmas Day, on New Year’s Eve, and now, on your birthday.
As I’m prone to do, I wrote you a letter on your birthday last year. I don’t remember every thing I said, but I remember saying how it didn’t feel real to me that we’d spent four birthdays together. But that wasn’t technically true.
- on our first birthday together, you were just this girl I’d thought was pretty from afar for a long time, and I used your birthday as an excuse to get your number so I could “call to say happy birthday.” I thought I was pretty slick lol
- on our second birthday together, we had a big fight. In fact, we had THE fight that would come to define our relationship.
- on our third birthday together, we still hadn’t recovered from the after effects of that fight. So much so, that I think there was barely a text exchanged.
And then there was last year, our fourth birthday together. The first time we were truly, genuinely happy. At least I was. So full of hope & anticipation of all the promises the future held for us. That’s what I’ve been thinking about; then, versus now. And it doesn’t feel good. I’ve accepted it, but it doesn’t feel good.
So seeing as we’re in this weird space now (yes, weirder than usual, even for us) this is your letter this year. I wish you all the same things I’ve wished you the past 4 years. Life, laughter, travel, abundance, family, fulfillment, God, and yes, love.