Feel Alive

After all, “there’s no point in living, if you can’t feel alive.” Isn’t that right Elektra, isn’t that your motto?

– Pierce Brosnan as James Bond
(The World Is Not Enough)

I still remember the day my family got its first VCD player (google that you youngins). We still had our VHS player (again, google that lol), and our CD Player (some three-disc-changing monstrosity with incredible speakers) wasn’t even that old. I think my mom’s brother came back from Alaba market with it, and I remember my first reaction being surprise at how small it was. In my young mind, if a CD player was that big, then a VCD player had to be even bigger. It wasn’t, but at least it also accepted 3 VCD’s at a time, which worked out well for us, since the first film we played on it was The Odyssey. If I remember correctly, the very first VCD’s my family owned were The Lion King, The Odyssey, and… The World Is Not Enough.

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My Hero

Baptism

a few days old, at baptism

One of my earliest memories of you is sitting at that small dining table in that small flat we used to live in. I was in elementary school, and they had just taught us division. I was doing my homework at the table, and you were reading the newspaper or something (this was back when you used to buy the paper every day, before you switched to only buying on Saturdays & Sundays, and now you just read online lol). So there I was, working on my homework, following the long process of division they had taught us at school, and I stopped and asked you the answer to one of my questions, and you answered it immediately. It took me at least 3-5 minutes to solve one, and you called out the answer instantaneously. So I asked you another, you said the answer, I worked it out for myself, and you were right. So I asked you another. And another. And another. And I remember you smiling as you called out each correct answer. So finally I gave up & asked how you knew all the answers so quickly, and you said “when you grow up, you will too.” I remember it so clearly.

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Prof’s Place

Back in my days at uni in Nigeria, I knew this guy we all called Prof (of course that wasn’t his real name), and he owned one of those game centers where you’d go, pay what I think was ₦25 per game, and play soccer on a PlayStation 2 at the time. Now this was so long ago, the soccer game we all preferred playing was PES (Pro Evolution Soccer), not FIFA. And every once in a while (maybe not once in a while), me and my friends would go to his place and spend time that should have been used studying & money we didn’t have and we’d just play for hours on end. You know me, always seeking an escape. Some of the fondest, funnest memories I have of my time at Nsukka came from Prof’s place, and I developed many good, lasting friendships (some of which I still have today) in that small room just after Odim Gate.

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A Few Thoughts, Vol. 3

* I hate hindsight. Hate how it makes you feel. Hate everything it represents. You’re supposed to get wiser as you get older, and hindsight has a way of making you feel foolish in the now, not in the past. Plus, who has ever experienced hindsight & patted themselves on the back like “I knew I handled that as well as I could have”? It typically just leaves you kicking yourself, so no thanks. Continue reading

A Few Thoughts, Vol. 2

* When I think about certain friends/friendships, I realize that they’re permanent, and no time nor space will ever make them cease. Doesn’t matter how long or how often we go we without speaking, we went through so much together, and nothing will ever change that. Whenever we do reconnect, it’s like nothing has changed. And I’m thankful for them.

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A Few Updates

So I didn’t forget I had a blog…

I’m gonna blame the lack of new posts on two things: Firstly, I found out about this amazing app called Day One which still allowed me the freedom to write whatever thoughts I needed to get out, and not be worried about length, how personal it was, or whether it was something to be shared or not. I still have tons of drafts that predate my discovery of Day One, but they probably may never be published. Right now, it’s just interesting to go back, re-read them, and realize where my head was at, at the time I wrote them. Secondly, there were still things I didn’t want to write about. There are still thoughts I’d rather not confront. Not just yet. So I’ve stayed away for a while.

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To My Unborn

My darling Katana,

I will not get to see or hold you for a few more years, but you’re already real to me. You’re as real to me right now as you will be when your mother puts my hand on her stomach to feel you kick for the first time. You’re as real to me right now, as you will be the first time I hear you cry. Or see you smile… Or punish you.

I haven’t told your mom why I’m calling you Katana yet. I probably won’t tell her until you’re almost here. But I have known for years that it would be your name, and I know why. As you grow, so will you.

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Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

Church.

Michael J. Pittman

In 130 days I’m getting married, and a friend recently asked me why I love my fiancé. I wanted to share a deeper perspective on Amanda and I’s relationship, so before I answered why I love her, I had to first explain to him the reasons I don’t love my future bride to be.

I came to two conclusions:
First is, I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the outside. I know. It sounds cheesy, it sounds sappy. This perspective is not a novel idea by any means. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t love you for what’s on the outside. I love you for what’s on the inside.” But that brings me to my second conclusion.

I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the inside either.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things on the inside and outside that I love about

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